m e a d o w l a r k

Well I am happily home in Minnesota. The word and thought of home have been heavily on my mind lately. Probably because home is a little jumbled in my mind. Whenever I am headed to Napa for a visit I certainly tell people I am “going home”. I cannot help but cry a little bit everytime a plane I am on touches down anywhere in California, something inside of me just sighs deeply and says “I am home again.” Certainly if I am in California without the rest of the family I soon get homesick for Minnesota…or rather for the family. And even when the family is with me we are always ready to go home when we leave California. Does that mean that “home” is Minnesota? Or does it mean that “home” is the house we live in.

Although most of us will say that we are going “home” when we are headed towards the place where we dwell. Is that simply where we keep our stuff? Or where we sleep most nights? The place where we bought the food in the refridgerator? Many of us may live in places that are not really much of a home to us. To many of us home is where we grew up, but many of us moved around a lot as children, do those people not have a clear sense of home? Or does it go back to where we dwell?

I love my house (I just wish it was about 1000 square feet bigger), it is a place of beauty, a place of love, a place of chaos, it is home…even if it is plunked down in the fridgid state of Minnesota. And yet a part of me will always feel a bit like a fish out of water in the midwest. I have lived in Minnesota for 9 years, I lived in California for 25 years, if I end up in Minnesota for another 16 years will this become home? Is it a matter of where I have spent the majority of my life? I spent two weeks sleeping in my old bedroom in Napa. I have arguably slept more nights in that room than in any other in my life, and yet now I continually have a hard time sleeping while there.

Minnesota….I actually love that too, believe it or not. Of course I have carved out a life here that includes family, friends, career. Minnesota is a great place to live. There is much to do and much beauty to see. The weather will ever be a challenge for me, but realistically the weather effects the lives of pretty much everyone living in this great country to a pretty serious degree with the exception of those living in the vast state of California. I happen to be one of those people who think that change is a good thing…the weather certainly changes around here! You could say it’s Bi-Polar…huge mood swings!

Certainly at this juncture in my life home is where my family is, my family of Chuck, Travis, Elaine and Onjya and to a degree Manny and Daisy-the wonderdog and princess cat. But I miss family in California dearly and always have a sense of being away from home in being away from them. Of course many of you are now spread around the country too. Near and dear to my heart are family and friends in Oregon, Tennessee, Arizona, and Wisconsin. None of those places are home to me but they hold people in them that I dearly wish I was closer to.

Just some thoughts I have been having…thought I would share. Kind of random I know. I think I am having a mid-life crisis and getting all contemplative….40 is only a few days away you know! Yikes.

Hope you all all “home” and happy. Where is home to you??

~Renee

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